Hero Worship

Monday, January 19, 2009



While Beckham napped this morning, I took some time to read and write and think, and my thoughts kept circling back to today's holiday and the man whose life inspired it. Outside of the perfunctory education on Martin Luther King, Jr. that was doled out to us in grade school, I hadn't known much about the man until I was a grad assistant teaching at UT. I was looking for a piece of writing to juxtapose against an essay I was assigning by Malcolm X. Because I knew that Malcolm X as a figure would be controversial, I wanted an author who would contrast Malcom's combative nature. I ended up assigning the class to read both MLK, Jr. and Malcom X, and the discussion that followed was one of the more engaging experiences of my teaching that year.

Yet, when I began to study on who MLK, Jr. was -- outside of the "Black History Month" fact sheet -- I found that my early characterization of him was far too simplistic. Attending a rural school in the south, I had always been aware that there were those whose feelings about his birthday were ... less than celebratory. When the country boys in my grade gave criticism of Dr. King, the explicit nature of their remarks made them seem less than credible, to say the least. Years later, though, I discovered that some criticism of MLK, Jr. - from blacks, whites, and other shades of people - was not only not racially motivated, it was true.

I was stunned. The picture I had held of him in my mind, his leadership, his sense of composure in the face of violent oppression, his having a dream ... it was hard to hold that picture up next to one of a man who was dishonest, who consorted with "less than exemplary" men for political purposes, who cheated on that pretty wife I'd seen so many pictures of. I knew, of course, that learning the "ugly stuff" about him didn't make any of his goodness disappear, but it was still hard for me to have that simple, laminated classroom poster version of him torn to shreds.

Isn't it always like that, with our heroes? We want them to be infallible, impenetrable creatures ... and they disappoint. We build them up in our minds, not even because they ask us to, but because we need them to be somehow above our own failings. Before the age of investigative reporting and round-the-clock media, those in the public eye could shield their iniquities from our view. Today, in an age where scandal sells, you'd be hard pressed to find a heroic figure left unblemished.

As a wife, and as a Christian, I think the news of MLK's extramarital affairs was the toughest bit of truth to swallow. He was a pastor, a leader -- a father. How could you? I want to ask. And just as soon as that last question pops out of my mouth, the conviction rises from deep in my gut. How many times in my life could that question have been asked of me?

Today, as I think of how important this man was (and is) to our history as a country, I am reminded once again of just how few are the times when our lives fall into pretty little categories. Much more often, we are stripped of our childhood notions of legalism and are forced to wrestle with grown-up reality: truth encircled by thorns, goodness with inadequacies gnawing like bread mold, grace stained by our own sin. Such is the world we live in.

At the end of the day, the legacy of Dr. King, for me, speaks more loudly than the whispers of his scandalous associations. Simply put, without MLK, Jr., the civil rights movement as we know it would not have progressed as it did. I shudder to think of what that might have meant for schools like the one I teach in, churches like the one I attend, as well as the society in which I will raise my son. I too dream of a world where my kid and all others might be judged solely on the content of their character... I am thankful for the sacrifices made by men like MLK, Jr., and today I honor those like Him who committed their lives (imperfect as they were) to promoting peace and showing God's love for all of humanity.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how we deal with heroes and role models in the modern day. Does their human faltering (like David, an adulterer who repented and was called a man after God's own heart) make them more accessible to us? Less impressive? And how does this all connect to the hero worship (seemingly at a climax around the inauguration) of president-elect Obama? I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read "Yes we did." Did, as in past tense. As if this person felt that by electing the right person, all would be solved. Is that naive? Is it dangerous?

You can check here for more info on the truth among the rumors about MLK, Jr. There are plenty of other pages devoted to this, but this seemed pretty concise and had credible sources listed at the bottom.

I'll close with my favorite quote from MLK, Jr. It was part of a speech he gave, and in this particular quote he is addressing reaction to the burning of churches in Birmingham, AL. I have it posted on the wall of my classroom, and I often use it to spark discussion with my students:

"It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation, not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people ... but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say wait on time."

New Year, New Space in the Blogosphere

Saturday, January 17, 2009

29 has been a crazy year for me so far.

And by crazy, I don't mean crazy as in "painting the town rojo with my rockstar husband, out every night trying to close down a different bar or discotheque." I don't even mean crazy as in "so very busy with trying to teach young Beckham three languages, keep kitchen cabinets alphabetized, and spur the youth of America into greatness from my classroom." I mean crazy as in crazy. As in, perhaps in need of meds. Not real meds, but maybe St. John's Wort. Or just a nice Benadryl-induced nap.

A list of things that have happened since I turned the big 2-9.

1. I emailed Ryan at work, insisting that we change the paint color in the bedroom.

2. I gave serious consideration to either: A) shaving my head, or B) dyeing my hair pitch black and becoming our high school's first "gothic" teacher, complete with bad poetry posted on the walls of my classroom. I got a start on the bad poetry just in case.

3. I nagged Ryan, our neighbor who is pregnant, an unsuspecting clerk at the grocery store, and anyone else who would listen about wanting to have another baby.

4. I wallowed.

5. I wallowed some more.

6. Which was followed by more wallowing.

I'm not sure if it's the arctic temperatures, the funk-virus that has harranged Beckham and me for the past few days, or the impending doom, now measured in months not years, of turning thirty, but I'm in that itchy itchy impetuous boredom phase where I can't be sure from one moment to the next whether I might finally organize our closets, or instead quit my job and head west. It's a dangerous place to be, especially when one has a tiny audience watching, an audience who needs plenty of laptime and funny faces and juice boxes and dancing to Michael Jackson's early stuff and all of the other commitments I signed up to when I invited a tenant into the ol' uterus.

So since Ryan vetoed the "bedroom with bright blue polka dots" idea, and since it's even colder in some places due west, I've decided to instead take my need for a change of scenery out on this blog.

We're moving ... and moving on. The "Thoreau-bred" baby (which most people thought of as a horse reference and not an allusion to Walden's own) is morphing into something new. Which is for the best anyway, since B has now moved on from Thoreau into even deeper water ... who knew Kierkegaard could be relevant to a 15-month-old?

In thinking back on this blog (which will be celebrating a birthday soon, too), I feel good about the pics and stories that I have posted for friends and family to view; I'm happy to think that Beckham will have a digital scrapbook in which to view himself throughout his first year. I'd give anything to be able to read the particulars of what my mom was thinking as she stumbled her way through learning to be a mom. With that in mind, there are a couple of places that I would like to push this space in the coming year ... new avenues that I'd like to pursue in hopes of making this tribute to my little guy more of a "Beckham: the early years" novella than a photo album. These new hopes spring from two places:

1. My Stupid Thesis. I can't even say the phrase "my thesis" anymore without adding at least one contemptuous adjective to it ... those of you who know me well are nodding right now. Those of you who have known me since grad school when this mess began are probably howling as you ridicule the fact that I've been "working on my thesis" for a longer time than it took for Michelangelo to complete the Sistine Chapel, which, unlike my little gem, actually possesses intrinsic value. Laughing crowd, I just want you to know that you are a bad friend. And you should feel even worse to know that I suffer from a horrible condition known as writer's block, which is sort of like a deadly bowel obstruction, only worse. So there.

My hope is that by writing -- even writing about which whole-grain breakfast cereal Beckham enjoyed last Tuesday -- I will get in the groove of writing. That writing will beget writing in the same way that scores of people were begat in 1st Chronicles. The idea is that I won't be as pained, terrified, paranoid, depressed, anxious, etc. when doing stupid thesis work because sitting down with the laptop to tippity-type up the stupid thesis will start to feel as if I'm merely sharing a funny story about the contents of Beckham's diaper with friends and family. And then -- before you know it -- wham! Writing a research-based argument for the use of multi-modal visual literacies in the classroom will be just as fun as writing about poop. Or at least that's what I'm hoping. If this doesn't work, then I guess my life is a failure and my tuition money was all a waste and I'll just go back to telemarketing for the Shriner's Circus like I did in college. Which, come to think of it, would make a heck of a blog post...

2. ONE is the loneliest number... when Ryan and I were discussing our goals for 2009, one of the things that sprung to my mind was how little I actually spend time with adults. I need more community. More conversation with grown-ups. Yet, I raise a toddler; I teach teens. Most days, doing those two things is enough to exhaust me. While I have many great mom-friends, I cannot even remember the last time I picked up the phone and caught up with one of them (add my fabulous non-mom friends to the list as well, for that matter). I have become a mommy-hermit. A mom-mit, if there is such a critter. For a while, I was trying to keep up with people on Myspace, but Myspace is not, as you may have noticed in the headlines, without controversy for young teachers, so I shut that down. Now I hope to open this up ... I'm going to become a better "blog commenter," and I hope those of you who read me here will join in. While making a resolution to spend hours on the phone catching up would be the usual sort of doomed resolution-ing, this is one that I think I can actually make work. Let's talk, people!

So ... here's to a new year with new aspirations. And here's to resolutions that don't involve ditching chocolate.
 
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